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I find the idea of being a renegade to be very exciting, a genuine thrill. And all things considered, can actually make for a great experience. it's true that living this way can happen as a surprise -- maybe in response to tragedy, depression, elation, confusion, heartbreak, love, etc. On much rarer occasions, it can be a simple decision. A switch, if you may. I used to have frequent dissociative stretches of time, during which nothing was real, nothing had meaning, and nothing mattered.

I described it as feeling as though I could leave everything behind and walk out the door and keep walking forever. It was scary as hell no doubt about it, but there was also something strangely thrilling about the whole thing. These episodes don't happen as much anymore, but the feeling of "meaninglessness" is never too far away and even if it's hard to accept it, I find a lot of the time it leaves me awestruck. Still, Iʼm fully aware that there is definitely a calmer and more lucid way of questioning meaning.

Even more so, in this day and age of identity politics and the incredibly murky waters of public discourse, I think that dropping out of these meaning-networks could make for a great way to create new ones. Especially considering how many people are already somewhere in their minds (at various levels) aware that their self-expression is suppressed by the many facets of the meaning-networks that have been imposed upon them.

It's in the midst of just such a crisis that weʼre challenged to rethink and to pursue meaning that is both true to ourselves as well as beneficial to the people around us. Its so easy to be living a regular life and say that you want freedom. But trust me, it's another thing entirely to actually live a life of anarchy without any sort of security. It's on extremely rare and welcome occasions where I don't ask myself;  "damn, maybe I should have just done a regular 9-5 life" ? I mean, I don't actually but the lack of a safety net or fallback option does make things a lot more complicated.

If you live this way ‘correctlyʼ your life expectancy almost certainly drops and I wouldnʼt be surprised if your chances of dying of unnatural causes went through the roof. If you go full out renegade, your chances of dying of old age are virtually zero. Life becomes scarier, thereʼs no safety net and being at constant odds with society is extremely dangerous. This isnʼt some kind of personalized opinion, life is seriously way more dangerous this way. I have had plenty of opportunities to liberate myself even more but then I think to myself "yeah, but if I did that I almost certainly won't live past 30.